LoveGIRL.

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

My Life is a fairy tale..

A place full of prententious characters. I felt empty in this fairy tale. Where nobody really cares, everybody in this fairy tale seems to be busy with their own lives and what was I doing? I was relying on these characters to fill the emptiness of my heart but I felt the coldness and bareness from the treatments.

Fairy tale.. it isnt real. How did I fall into the traps of this fairy tale, by relying on those pretentious characters to fill me with love, care and concern? I am really foolish. I finally realise that we have to be dependent of ourselves in order to be happy. Forgetting bad experiences and pretend that it never happen can make us happier? I am no pretender. People normally say that having a better half or friends are worthy, but what is it to me?

Yes, I believe that it is worthy but these people.. are they really worthy of me.. Do they really understand me.. I feel empty, they who I consider as my friends, do you really understand me? I doubt so.. If I did not throw any tempers or coldness, I dont think they even notice that there is something wrong with me. They dont even bother.. That's why my life is a fairy tale. Where is the love?

11:42 PM sprinklinq love Y

Thursday, March 24, 2005

Hurray!!!! End exam le... So FREE!!!

Finally, the days that I have been waiting for, the holidays. I miss my dearest bed and tv. Now I can watch tv whole day like no one's business, sleep late and wake up late the next day for whole 2 months!! All these is part of my dreams only..

I have to find a job quickly and earn as much money as I can because next semester I wouldn't even have a chance to have a holiday. I will be very busy with my project. So, must earn many many money so that I no need to worry about not eating next semester. Cannot have fun.. Sian..

Nvm, in the meanwhile, I will spend all the time that I have having fun by staying at home and watch tv while lying on my bed.. Hahahaha..

9:37 PM sprinklinq love Y

Saturday, March 19, 2005

Arghh!!
Monday is exam le, i still haven found my studying spitrit. I think this semesters exam, is a gone case le. Haiz, jia lat. I am still relaxing and looking at the notes turns me off.. Furthermore, the weather is so good for sleeping cos it is raining.. sian.. even god is helping me fail the papers..

3:46 PM sprinklinq love Y

Thursday, March 17, 2005

A few more days to exam..

I am still not prepared for any of the papers yet. I have a total of four papers covered in three days. Monday have two paper. Off on tues, wed and thurs have one paper. After the last paper, i intend to watch movie. A lot of new movies is released on that day. Depend on my mood on what to watch.

Thinking of studying turns me off.. Sian.. Still a long way to go to graduation. Lazy wanna study le.. How i wish i can just quit school. Any how, now just need to find a way to rejuvenate my studying spirit. Very hard..

1:42 AM sprinklinq love Y

Sunday, March 13, 2005

Two days has passed after the last day of school.
I have been outcasting myself, my motive is I do not wish to get hurt or hurt other people. Therefore, I keep myself away from my friends. I dont wish to get to close, sometimes, it is hard to talk to people who may seem to be good to you. Even though we are friends, it is a must to distant ourselves at times. That is how I see to friendship, I started to have this kind of mindset after experiencing some ugly situations between me and my friends and I realised that if we were to look deep and understand each and everyone, we will know what kind of person he/she really is.

As you people know, never judge a person by the appearances. One can be kind a moment, and they may plan a scheme against you in another moment. Somehow, it is hard to trust people. Even though they are your close friend. So I must be careful against schemings and hypocrites. Usually they would pretend to be stupid when the real them are smart. That I hate most, pretenders. Sometimes, they show concern but you never know whether they really mean it or are just pretending.

When they say, friends are important, it is true, i agree too. However, they is a saying that goes like, when you have money friends stick by your side, when you are broke, dont even expect to even see their shadows. i agree to what it implied to both statements. Thats why we must choose friends wisely and after making friends, ensure that they dont talk big.

It is the same when decising to whether make a guy your boyfriends. Before they get to know you, they mention lists of promises, after they play you out, dont even expect a goodbye. Whatever happened to the promises. Men can be jerks at times, never respect the women's pride and soul. No offences guys but its the truth, I'm speaking from experiences.

So, this is the reason why I dont wish to get into a relationship until I really am prepared to be a victim yet again. Also, i dont wish to get hurt by people who consider themelves as my friends and me hurting them too. I do not wish to get involved in arguments. Eventually, i am grateful to those who really treat me as their friend and not just a nobody.

8:35 PM sprinklinq love Y

Friday, March 11, 2005

Last day of the semester for year 2.2. Left with examinations and holiday again..

This semester is a living hell for me, everything seems so wrong and i came off with a new character, a girl with ATTITUDE PROBLEM! seems that, i'm not a great girl after all.. is it me? or the people around me? however, i have to confess that the people around me really reflects my character, i didnt have all this kind of attitude problem for the past few previous semesters.Only this semester i have this kind of problem, i know what i should do in future. I take it as an experience, a painful one though. I pray hard not to face them anymore or the rest of my entire life!! once bitten, twice shy.

I did some self reflections, I know that I made a lot of mistakes, but that doesnt mean that I am entirely at fault, sometimes people really pushed me too far, tested my patience, argue with me like small kid, but all I can do was endure. I know that different people has different characters, different mentality and different level of maturity.

However, life is not that bad for me, at least I know who is good to me and who is not. I am grateful that i have some great faithful and helpful friends. Very thankful to them for their care and concern. At least, i dont feel as if i am invinsible. Thank you very much to those who have helped me. I hope that next semester would be a better one, looking forward to working in a better team.

11:39 PM sprinklinq love Y